I thought there would be respite to hard life but the life is telling me otherwise ... It seems for now that the turmoil on my personal front is far from over.
I have tried to live my life by certain ideals. My ideals being love, compassion, caring and sharing.
I believe in those ideals because I believe man is a social being and because I believe that social fabric is weaved together with love, compassion, caring and sharing
I have shared knowledge and experience liberally all along, as that has been my primary asset. My other assets being reputation and trust that have come my way, all along... I lived so, because I was taught to live so, because I believed that is the right thing to do
Now, mid-life, I am standing at crossroads questioning the fundamentals. I question the fundamentals because life is giving me hard lessons. Was I wrong? Was I taught wrong?
It is said, what you give, comes back. I have not given because I wanted something in return. But, there seems to be strings attached to everything that is coming my way
I am at crossroads because I am forced to suspect whether what I believed as right, is truly right, whether what I believed as mine, is truly mine.
Probably, I am failing to see the design of god telling me that nothing here belongs to me. Even I myself do not belong here; nor it belongs to me
May be, it is a drama being played out, rather an emotional one. Probably, god is preparing me for a worse tomorrow. I do not know.
What I know is that it hurts.. I cannot hold back my tears
Question before me is not what and how; it is rather what for?
I need to, because I am alive? because I believe in it? because I am passionate about it?
I think so. It does not matter whether I am right or wrong. It does not matter whether I win or loose.
I stand for common good. I do for common good. I do because I believe in it.
When I stand before the mirror, look at myself in the eyes, I do not want deceit, self-interest, hatred or grudge.
I may laugh or I may cry; does not matter. I shall do both for the sake of love, compassion, caring and sharing. I shall continue to stand for a fellow being, for human spirit and progressive human society. Therefore, I stand where I am, the way I am. I cannot change, because I am what I am.
Coatings of paint may change, brightened by the sunshine or weathered by the harsh winds. But I shall stay where I am, the way I am, so long as I am around here
