Conditioned by scientific analysis I am used to, often, I tend to seek out for God. Seeing in a physical form as it happens in movies and TV serials is not possible for lesser mortals like me, there are times when I felt his distinct presence around me. The feeling makes me feel secure and, yet, aware of my limits. My first trip to Sabarimala through the traditional route through the forest via Erumeli, Azhutha and Karimala was one such experience. I could almost feel Him around and could communicate with Him yet he was beyond my senses to be seen, touched, felt or heard.
Since 1991, I was blessed to go to Sabarimala almost every year. Every time, I used to go with my friends or my relatives. I was staying at that time in Delhi and had no clue that, generally, January is the time most of the devotees go via the traditional route. I had promised that I would go to Sabarimala that December and had come down from Delhi for that purpose. As luck would have it, I could not find anyone whom I could accompany. Some of my well-wishers cautioned me that going alone is not safe and, possibly, you could make it next time by preparing well-in-advance. Nonetheless, I had decided to submit myself fully to Ayyappa and go ahead.
I reached Erumeli early morning by about 3 o’ clock, had my bath in the river and decided to wait. By about 5 o’ clock, I could see groups of devotees rearing to go ….. All of them do not go via the traditional route… I was wondering what to do … I closed my eyes and prayed to Swamy to guide me…. As I opened my eyes, I could see one lone swamy almost getting ready to go ….. I approached him and explained that I am new on the traditional route. His response was encouraging that he was also alone and on the same route and that I could accompany him.
Climbing Azhutha was extremely painful that I could hardly walk …. He was going ahead as if walking on the plains … He told me to think of Swamy and not the pain on my legs …. It was tough but I could somehow climb Azhutha …. Next, Karimala was equally tough, if not worse …. I was afraid as I could almost feel the wild animals around
and it was only two of us for most of the time…… I had heard about stories about the forest and I was scared as well… especially of leeches which are in plenty there especially if it rains ….. By evening about 5.30 in the evening, I was on the banks of Pamba river. During the whole, I had consumed all liquids that I could get hands on while the swamy with me was going without any of it, but for the morning breakfast……..
Having reached Pamba by this time, I was happy and felt that I can be on my own … Pamba is where the devotees coming by bus and car join and having gone to Sabarimala many times earlier, the route further up was familiar to me….. By now, swelling developed in my legs and I was aware of the pain in my legs and felt exhausted totally ….. On my way up, I told swamy that he could go ahead, I shall come slowly at my pace and I will meet him up there ….. That day I could not have Darsan …. What is worse …. I reached the gate at 11 o’clock in the night and I could see the temple closing before my eyes without me having Darsan that day!
Needless to say, that I have not met that swamy ever since … Despite all my scientific inclinations, I would like to believe that the swamy was none other than the God himself …. Who was with me all along as my friend and my guide …. But when my own materialistic self took over, he eased himself out …. He was with me all along but he made his point that things do not happen at my discretion; it happens the way that he wishes
